Golf Jackets in Green, Tartan and Plaid...

You've probably noticed that golf awards some of the most gawd-awful trophies in all of sports. They do nothing to dispel the notion that golf isn't a "real" sport.

I've already written about the megalomaniacal "Tiger" trophy awarded to the winner of the Target World Challenge.

But those silly jackets that sometimes accompany these trophies are even worse. Yes, the Men of the Masters will likely send a hitman to silence me when I write this, but the Green Jacket is just downright awful. The only thing that looks good wearing it is a Leprechaun.

With the Masters and its Green jacket fresh in our minds, the golf gods hit us with something far worse. In fact, the Green jacket is Paris Hilton-stylin' compared to the red Tartan jacket awarded to the winner of the Verizon Heritage held the week after the Masters. The madness continues with the red Plaid jacket given to the winner of the just concluded Bank of America Colonial.

I cringe whenever I see these hard-edge patterned threads in jacket form. I always think, how the hell does that look good? In fact, when did it ever look good? Can you look at these fashion fiascos and not laugh?

I tried to think of things where that bold red tartan or plaid pattern may look at least normal these days. Boxers? Blankets? Tablecloths? Skirts? Not surprisingly, he list is very short. Whoever first said, "Yeah, that pattern would look great as a sports coat" needs to have their eyes checked.

Just because these jackets are horrible, doesn't mean that nobody wants them. When asked about the Verizon Heritage, Ernie Els said, "I'd love to get one of those ugly jackets."

Remember that classic Stanley Kubrick sci-fi flick, 2001: A Space Odyssey? I loved that movie in my youth because at the time I thought that it was a glimpse into the not-so-distant future. It predicted that we'd all be flying around the universe in cool spaceships having intelligent conversations with talking computers. It turns out that the only thing that they managed to get right about the turn of the millennium is that no one wears tartan or plaid. That is, unless you win a golf tournament.