Tiger Woods Rumors Lure the Tabloids to Golf...

The tabloid media has grown in prominence dramatically over the last several years. Gossip around the private lives of celebrities has overtaken actually substantive topics across America's water coolers. Nothing is more telling than the simultaneous explosive growth of TMZ and PerezHilton.com in contrast with the near bankruptcies being faced by legitimate news stalwarts such as the New York Times.

But golf has seemed to be immune to this tabloid pandemic. Unfortunately, Tiger Woods' enormous popularity placed him under its greasy microscope. All it took was something minutely unusual in the petri dish for them to pounce. That indeed occurred over Thanksgiving when Tiger drove his Caddy around like a carnival bumper car with his wife going all Nicholson on it (let's just hope it wasn't with his priceless Scotty Cameron putter!). Like a herd of great whites drawn to a drop of blood, the media descended upon Tiger's Isleworth sanctuary with dollar signs in their eyes. Could this be evidence of a domestic issue?!

So friggin' what? A couple of years ago on my Bandon Dunes golf vacation, a friend of mine told us he knew a person close to Tiger's entourage. According to him, Tiger was quite the Casanova who was not opposed to "stepping out" and playing much more than just 18-holes. He also emphasized that it was more about quantity rather than quality. I didn't entertain the discussion because I didn't really care. Lots of people step out and it's almost a given amongst pro athletes. Big deal.

It turns out that it is a big deal to many. The Chinese have gone so far as to create a CGI re-enactment of the whole incident. Not quite Pixar, but way too polished than it should be and just another sign that the end is near (I wonder if they actually mocapped Elin swinging that club!):



But why all this attention? My guess is that people somehow build up a fanciful notion that famous people lead perfect lives. When anything surfaces to dispel these fantasies, it devastates them. It's just absurd. In the case of Tiger Woods, why should we think that he is better than us commoners at anything outside of playing golf? As a society, we need to come to the realization that all people suffer from faults. No amount of fame can make them go away. If anything, fame does the opposite. It would be naive to think otherwise. Accept it and move on. There are many more important things in the world be concerned.

To those who still think that most famous people stay on the straight and narrow, just remember that a wise man, Chris Rock, once said, "A man is only as faithful as his options." Ponder that for a minute. It's probably safe to assume that virtually all famous people are cheating. Certainly that's a better assumption for us as a whole than to deitize them if we want to put an end to the tabloid fascination. Lastly, for the record, I'm an extremely faithful guy by choice, not due to a lack of options!

P.S. Check out some of my blog friends' posts on this topic:

Hooked on Golf Blog

Mike Pederson Golf

Whad'Ya Know? Wie Actually Won!

Well, it finally happened. Michelle Wie actually won a legitimate professional golf tournament. It occurred at the Lorena Ochoa Invitational over some of the top women golfers in the world.

While I've always thought that Michelle would win on the pro circuit someday, I didn't think that it would take this long. I had some serious doubts a couple of years ago when her pursuit of distance to compete with the dudes led to some questionable swing changes. But her Ernie Els-like swing of old returned last year and she was able to go flag hunting. She was competitive in many tournaments before her breakthrough win.

So what now? Obviously, it is a tremendous weight lifted off of her shoulders. The kind of pressure to win this kid must have built over the years must have been absolutely maddening. With every loss the PSIs were raised a notch. But the relief of winning must have been equally euphoric.

I think that the boost to her confidence from her first win could propel her to multiple win seasons in the near future. LPGA majors are certainly part of the picture. Why not? Have you seen the names of the recent winners of LPGA majors? Since Annika left, it's a who's who list of "who?". Over the last 3 years, the World's #1 Lorena Ochoa has taken only 2 majors. The rest are players likely to be unrecognized at my local muni. Clearly, there's plenty of opportunity for Wie to win majors in the current competitive landscape. We'll see what happens, but I'm sure that it will interesting to watch regardless. Good luck Michelle!

The FedEx Cup Still Sucks

I don't know about you, but I could care less about the FedEx Cup. I know that they made some major changes this year to avoid last year's debacle where the winner was decided before the final event even started (a disaster many people including myself saw coming)! However, there are still many issues that still make this series a bore-fest.

I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent person having earned a graduate degree from a prestigious institution of higher learning. And yet, I still can't comprehend the new and supposedly simplified FedEx Cup points system. I've heard all the golf talking heads on TV try to explain it, but it has yet to sink in. I've tried to read articles explaining it, but I just can't get past the 3rd sentence. If I can't understand it nor have the motivation to do so, isn't there still a huge problem?!

I've already suggested changes to make this thing more interesting. But is the FedEx Cup even necessary? I'm content with 4 majors and a team event as the major events in a golf season. So far, the FedEx Cup doesn't feel any more important than your run-of-the-mill PGA Tour stop. Maybe it's a hopeless case anyway since football takes priority for the majority of sports nuts at this time of year. Regardless, I know that it's bad when I'd rather watch my beloved, yet pathetic Oakland Raiders and our QB JaMarcus Russell throw to the other team than Tiger cashing in another paycheck.

Rancho Park's Arnold Palmer Tribute?

A couple years ago, I moved about 20 miles west to the beach town of Santa Monica, CA. As a result, my home course went from the Rose Bowl parking lot to Rancho Park, former home of the L.A. Open. On the par-5 18th tee, there's an interesting plaque to commemorate Arnold Palmer's achievement at the 35th L.A. Open in 1961.


Here's the engraving:

The first day of the 35th L.A. Open, Arnold Palmer, voted Golfer of the year, took a 12 on this hole.

As an inspiration to all Golfers The L.A. Jr. Chamber of Commerce dedicate this monument.

Palmer hit a fine drive. He sliced his next 2 shots into the driving range, then hooked two more onto Patricia Ave. Hit the green with his sixth shot, and two putted. Eight strokes plus four penalities add up to 12.

Here's the detailed story according to Golf For Dummies:

Palmer needed a par 5 on the 18th for a 69 in the second round. After a good drive, instead of laying up with an iron for the tight second shot, he went for a birdie and pushed a 3-wood out-of-bounds onto the adjacent driving range. He paused briefly to regroup and then hit another 3-wood. This time, he hooked it onto Patricia Avenue. Stubborn if not downright foolhardy, Palmer hit the 3-wood yet again, and again hooked it out-of-bounds. On the fifth try, after four straight penalties, he finally put his 3-wood on the green and went on to make a 12. A long, sad story. Arnie's description was more succinct. Asked by a reported how he managed to make a 12, he replied, "I missed my putt for an 11."

The plaque and story are great comic reliefs to any golfer having a bad day on the golf course. But did anyone bother to check the grammar before it was engraved in stone!?

Congrats to The Golf Space!

The golf blog community is generally composed of kind and supportive people who simply want to write about that crazy game we somehow love. One of the best golf bloggers out there is my friend Tony K. who created the Hooked On Golf Blog. It is definitely one of the best golf blogs out there and I visit it almost every day for its regularly updated content.

But Tony has also created The Golf Space, a social networking site specifically built for golf and golf businesses. Recently, The Golf Space celebrated its 3rd birthday! The site is 100% free and membership has grown to over 4,100 members and with over five million page visits since it opened in 2006. Check it out and meet others who share your passion for golf! Congrats Tony!

Sally Jenkins' Premature Prognostication

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine emailed me an article written by Sally Jenkins about Tiger Woods' post injury return to golf.

What shocked me most about this article was the writer's prematurely drawn conclusions about Tiger's golf game. Just read this passage:

But so far, Woods's comeback has been a relatively humdrum event...After an eight-month layoff to repair the anterior cruciate ligament in his left knee, Woods missed dozens of putts and seemed frustrated by the slow pace of the whole affair. All of which was a reminder that the injury is a clear demarcation in his competitive life: He's now 33 years old and in the last third of his career, and while he surely has a lot of greatness left, the game may no longer come so easily.

At the time that the article was published, Tiger had been out of competitive golf for almost 9 months and had logged fewer than 6 competitive rounds, 2 of which were match-play shortened and didn't require putting out. That's right, the writer believes that this sample size is sufficient to derive meaningful conclusions. Anyone who plays golf regularly at any level knows about the fickleness of golf and how maddeningly long it can take to recover one's form after a sustained layoff. Just because Tiger is a little rusty, it certainly doesn't mean that he's lost his game. To make that kind of jump is just regoddamndiculous!

Yet the writer has seen enough to proclaim, "For the first time in a decade, Woods will enter the Masters at Augusta National as something less than the clear-cut favorite." Oh brother!

But it doesn't stop there. The writer later suggests that Tiger may never recover his putting touch:

Oddly, the thing that seems most affected by the long layoff is not his swing...but his putting...But his trouble was perhaps a glimpse of what to expect when he gets older: Other greats who were nervy, aggressive putters, such as Arnold Palmer and Tom Watson, saw their touch desert them in their mid-30s, and struggled to ever make short putts again.

All golfers know that putting is one of those things that is highly variable over the short term. The fact that Tiger's putting game was off for 6 rounds is hardly surprising. The writer seems to have forgotten that Mickelson's putting blew all year until he won at Riviera. Tiger is arguably the greatest clutch putter of all-time and I'm sure that he'll regain his putting sooner rather than later. Oh, and don't believe the writer. Tiger is the clear-cut favorite at Augusta.

Henrik Stenson, Golf's First Male Underwear Model?

There were a couple of important things we learned from the 2009 CA Championship at Doral Golf Resort & Spa:

1. Mickelson's game is in top form heading into the Masters
2. Tiger Woods' swing is the best it has looked since perhaps 2000
3. Henrik Stenson wears tighty whities

Most people don't know about #3 because it didn't make the television broadcast. But luckily for us, an alert shutterbug was able to capture the moment in pictures!


Apparently, Stenson stripped to his skivvies to avoid soiling his clothes from hitting out of the water hazard. But c'mon, doesn't he get those stylish threads for free anyway? Surely he could have borrowed Fanny's caddy bib. Maybe Stenson signed with a new underwear sponsor that demanded more exposure. On second thought, I think he was simply looking for a good excuse to show off that professional athlete bod of his. Golf is a sport, right?

SwingVision - Tiger Woods Driver

To commemorate Tiger Woods' return to the tour this week at the Accenture World Match Play Championship, I dug up a SwingVision video from a couple of years ago showing him hitting driver off the tee. As you can see, Tiger tees the ball low for greater control. If he teed it higher, like Vijay, he'd be able to raise his angle of attack with the driver and drive it much further. But if there's one thing Tiger doesn't lack, it's distance! Boy, I sure do miss those SwingVision close ups of ball impact, don't you?

Phil Mickelson Man Boobs Authority?

I've read that search engines account for more than half of all internet traffic. It's not surprising to me since that's where most of the traffic to this site originates.

What is surprising are some of the search terms that return this site. One of the most popular terms is "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs." I kid you not. I don't know what is stranger - that so many people are searching for information on this topic or that search engines have deemed this site as one of its best sources of information.

Out of curiosity, I Googled "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs" to check out where this site would turn up. Lo and behold, Grouchy Golf was at the top of the search results!

Phil's dopey plastered-on smirk has been fodder for several posts on this site, but there's been nothing that addressed his growing chest problem. There has got to be better information on the internet for people researching Phil's busty assets. Unfortunately, after clicking on some of the other search results, I realized that there was simply a dearth of material on this titillating topic.

Sensing an unsatisfied need by the general public, I was determined to fill that need. After some in-depth research, I found the answers straight from the horse's mouth:

I will always have fat on me. There's nothing I can do about it, just genetics. As I said earlier, I've got subcutaneous fat. And most people who are ripped have visceral. There's nothing I can do it. It just lies underneath the skin as opposed to underneath the muscle. And as long as I feel better and get stronger, then I can't really worry about, you know, body fat.

- Phil Mickelson

There you have it folks. The reason for Phil's full figure is subcutaneous fat. But blaming genetics? Mr. FIGJAM must have been adopted because his immediate family — mom, dad, brother and sister — are all thin. Regardless, this site is proud to provide the best information on the topic of "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs". We will be sure to keep you abreast of any future developments!