Sally Jenkins' Premature Prognostication

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine emailed me an article written by Sally Jenkins about Tiger Woods' post injury return to golf.

What shocked me most about this article was the writer's prematurely drawn conclusions about Tiger's golf game. Just read this passage:

But so far, Woods's comeback has been a relatively humdrum event...After an eight-month layoff to repair the anterior cruciate ligament in his left knee, Woods missed dozens of putts and seemed frustrated by the slow pace of the whole affair. All of which was a reminder that the injury is a clear demarcation in his competitive life: He's now 33 years old and in the last third of his career, and while he surely has a lot of greatness left, the game may no longer come so easily.

At the time that the article was published, Tiger had been out of competitive golf for almost 9 months and had logged fewer than 6 competitive rounds, 2 of which were match-play shortened and didn't require putting out. That's right, the writer believes that this sample size is sufficient to derive meaningful conclusions. Anyone who plays golf regularly at any level knows about the fickleness of golf and how maddeningly long it can take to recover one's form after a sustained layoff. Just because Tiger is a little rusty, it certainly doesn't mean that he's lost his game. To make that kind of jump is just regoddamndiculous!

Yet the writer has seen enough to proclaim, "For the first time in a decade, Woods will enter the Masters at Augusta National as something less than the clear-cut favorite." Oh brother!

But it doesn't stop there. The writer later suggests that Tiger may never recover his putting touch:

Oddly, the thing that seems most affected by the long layoff is not his swing...but his putting...But his trouble was perhaps a glimpse of what to expect when he gets older: Other greats who were nervy, aggressive putters, such as Arnold Palmer and Tom Watson, saw their touch desert them in their mid-30s, and struggled to ever make short putts again.

All golfers know that putting is one of those things that is highly variable over the short term. The fact that Tiger's putting game was off for 6 rounds is hardly surprising. The writer seems to have forgotten that Mickelson's putting blew all year until he won at Riviera. Tiger is arguably the greatest clutch putter of all-time and I'm sure that he'll regain his putting sooner rather than later. Oh, and don't believe the writer. Tiger is the clear-cut favorite at Augusta.

Henrik Stenson, Golf's First Male Underwear Model?

There were a couple of important things we learned from the 2009 CA Championship at Doral Golf Resort & Spa:

1. Mickelson's game is in top form heading into the Masters
2. Tiger Woods' swing is the best it has looked since perhaps 2000
3. Henrik Stenson wears tighty whities

Most people don't know about #3 because it didn't make the television broadcast. But luckily for us, an alert shutterbug was able to capture the moment in pictures!


Apparently, Stenson stripped to his skivvies to avoid soiling his clothes from hitting out of the water hazard. But c'mon, doesn't he get those stylish threads for free anyway? Surely he could have borrowed Fanny's caddy bib. Maybe Stenson signed with a new underwear sponsor that demanded more exposure. On second thought, I think he was simply looking for a good excuse to show off that professional athlete bod of his. Golf is a sport, right?

SwingVision - Tiger Woods Driver

To commemorate Tiger Woods' return to the tour this week at the Accenture World Match Play Championship, I dug up a SwingVision video from a couple of years ago showing him hitting driver off the tee. As you can see, Tiger tees the ball low for greater control. If he teed it higher, like Vijay, he'd be able to raise his angle of attack with the driver and drive it much further. But if there's one thing Tiger doesn't lack, it's distance! Boy, I sure do miss those SwingVision close ups of ball impact, don't you?

Phil Mickelson Man Boobs Authority?

I've read that search engines account for more than half of all internet traffic. It's not surprising to me since that's where most of the traffic to this site originates.

What is surprising are some of the search terms that return this site. One of the most popular terms is "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs." I kid you not. I don't know what is stranger - that so many people are searching for information on this topic or that search engines have deemed this site as one of its best sources of information.

Out of curiosity, I Googled "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs" to check out where this site would turn up. Lo and behold, Grouchy Golf was at the top of the search results!

Phil's dopey plastered-on smirk has been fodder for several posts on this site, but there's been nothing that addressed his growing chest problem. There has got to be better information on the internet for people researching Phil's busty assets. Unfortunately, after clicking on some of the other search results, I realized that there was simply a dearth of material on this titillating topic.

Sensing an unsatisfied need by the general public, I was determined to fill that need. After some in-depth research, I found the answers straight from the horse's mouth:

I will always have fat on me. There's nothing I can do about it, just genetics. As I said earlier, I've got subcutaneous fat. And most people who are ripped have visceral. There's nothing I can do it. It just lies underneath the skin as opposed to underneath the muscle. And as long as I feel better and get stronger, then I can't really worry about, you know, body fat.

- Phil Mickelson

There you have it folks. The reason for Phil's full figure is subcutaneous fat. But blaming genetics? Mr. FIGJAM must have been adopted because his immediate family — mom, dad, brother and sister — are all thin. Regardless, this site is proud to provide the best information on the topic of "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs". We will be sure to keep you abreast of any future developments!